Cinema

The Empathy Machine

The renowned film critic, Roger Ebert, said that movies are like a machine that generates empathy. Most family films have a message of some kind and many provide doorways into conversations we'd like to have in our families. Here are some of my favourites - you'll definitely have some of your own. I've tried to flag triggers where applicable but, really, none of these films is your average popcorn entertainment. I've chosen them BECAUSE they deal with many of the themes and challenges that might bring someone to counselling. As with all of the resources on this site, please be sure to watch them yourself to be sure they're right for you before you decide to share them with the young people in your lives. Check out the website Does the Dog Die? for trigger warnings in advance if you have any concerns for your own viewing. Also, try Common Sense Media for other parents' views and good information what may be suitable for your children.

The Stories We Tell

This documentary by Canadian filmmaker, Sarah Polley, is really thought-provoking in it's gradual reveal of the full story behind her own family. It's a reminder of how family legends are generated, how many different points of view can impact on one story, and how women have historically (and still today) been shaped by the way their stories are told by others.

A Monster Calls

This incredibly moving story of a boy going through the loss of his Mum is so lovingly told. It gives a window into the world of grief and helps us to understand that there are many ways to tell and receive the stories of people's lives.

Son of Rambow

Hilarious, touching, and full of insights into family, friendships, and the dynamics behind bullying. I defy you to come away from this movie without the urge to shout "I'm alright, Lee Carter!!".

Inside Out

If you have kids, you've probably seen this or had it running in the background of your house. But have you stopped to take it in yourself. Groundbreaking and based on pretty solid science, it's full of conversation starters about how we're all feeling.

Wonder

For a heart-warming look at the stories behind each person in and around a family, Wonder is perfect. A great way to talk to younger members of the family about change, relationship, and what it means to stand out (for good and not-so-good reasons).

The Horse Boy

Not many families will face the challenges depicted here or go to such extreme lengths. However, it's a moving portrait of what might be possible when we think outside the box. For an update on the family's adventures beyond this film, check out Rupert Isaacson's article at The Thinking Mom's Revolution (an interesting site to poke around anyway!).

Life, Animated

Another document of a family's path through autism. Again, not necessarily a journey your family may be on but a heartfelt account of finding a creative and playful way through a challenge. One of the key books for working with young people in Narrative Therapy is called "Playful Solutions to Serious Problems". Here's a playful solution in action.

Girl

The gender landscape is more fluid than ever and beautiful new stories are being told of the difficulties and joys of navigating the world of transgender identification. Few worlds are more entrenched in fixed ways of viewing gender and how our bodies represent ourselves than that of ballet, so this story of a trans-girl with dancing dreams is bound to be tough but rewarding viewing. TRIGGER WARNING: there is a scene of self-harm in this film. The woman on whom the story is based has stood by this film and its depiction of what life can be like in this context. You be the judge of whether it's for you.

Girlhood

Foreign language films can sometimes seem inaccessible because of language barriers and having to read subtitles. If you can push through that, there's a world of amazing cinematic art out there and French cinema has some of the best. This coming of age movie might come from another world on the other side of the tracks, but the themes of friendship and resilience talk to all our hearts.

Boyhood

This film is fictional but was filmed over 12 years using the same actors, so you really do feel like you're growing up with Mason and his family as they go through life variously together and apart. Richard Linklater's films are very talk heavy and soulful so don't go looking here for action or any more comedy than the occasional wry smile. If you do like his style (and I love it), check out the "Before Sunrise" trilogy or even "Waking Life" for a deep dive on philosophy and the human condition.

Moonlight

I thought carefully before including this film here but it's so beautifully crafted, it seemed a shame not to do it. Triggers abound and this film is absolutely for adults or older teens. As you follow this young man through his life that is hugely far removed from most kiwi stories, perhaps you'll see some sliding doors where a different choice might have turned into another outcome. Or your heart might reach out to him when he feels cornered and without choices. Either way, it has one of the most important pieces of movie wisdom you'll find anywhere: "At some point you gotta decide for yourself who you're gonna be -  can't let nobody make that decision for you".

My Life as a Courgette

Not all kids get to grow up in their families of origin. We grow our connections where we find them and you'll find that hope and happiness can grow even in the most difficult of soils.

Eighth Grade

So many grown ups have forgotten how awkward and hard our earlier transitions in life were. Here's a reminder and a warm hug to your younger self that might have struggled through the same challenges (even though they may have been in a pre-internet guise).

Ladybird

Mums - ever feel like you and your teen girls are just not on the same page? So many of us have been there, one on side or the other of this age old divide. But there are things that bind and bond us, too. This story is so lovingly told from both mother and daughter angles. A surefire conversation starter for Mums and daughters.

A Silent Voice

I could put loads of beautiful anime (or anime inspired) movies up here. Do also check out Your Name, The Tale of Princess Kaguya, The Red Turtle, or Grave of the Fireflies for more anime-style selections that provide food for heart, soul, and mind (be careful with Grave of the Fireflies - it's a devastating story of children caught up in the events of WWII in Japan - you will cry buckets). I'm leaving this one up here because of its themes of bullying, suicide, and self-harm that impact so many of our teens. TRIGGER WARNING: this film deals with some heavy themes and should be viewed by an adult before sharing with your teen.